Easy
You chose her because she is that easy
Asking nothing from you she gives you everything
Over the phone or
Late night sessions at her apartment
She asks nothing of you
and needs only what you are willing to give
What man wouldn't?
Its easier to believe that you are fine the way you are
It is safer to stay stagnant because growing hurts
So instead of reaching your full potential
You choose the simple LIFE
Those who require nothing
Soon collapse in on themselves
and black holes are known to be greedy
As passive and not needy as they may seem
they will soon suck out life
and light
and child support
and gas money
and alimony
becuase that is their nature
And before you can say "easy"
it's not.
And before you can hide it
it's got.
And before you've counted
it costs.
And before you could have it
it's lost.
Its that easy.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Greedy
Tastes. Sounds. Skin
I want it all. I don't want hers, I want yours. Only cause you won't give it to me. I've begged for years, I've asked nicely. Now, I'm taking it. Just cause I want it, cause you won't gimmie it.
What is it about needy eyes and big breasts that make you weak? I have neither. Look into my eyes and see that I need you. Place yourself in my breasts and see they are enough.
After so long, weak from whining, I'm taking. I want it all.
The way you taste. The sound of your heartbeat. The strength in your skin.
It was mine to begin with
I want it all. I don't want hers, I want yours. Only cause you won't give it to me. I've begged for years, I've asked nicely. Now, I'm taking it. Just cause I want it, cause you won't gimmie it.
What is it about needy eyes and big breasts that make you weak? I have neither. Look into my eyes and see that I need you. Place yourself in my breasts and see they are enough.
After so long, weak from whining, I'm taking. I want it all.
The way you taste. The sound of your heartbeat. The strength in your skin.
It was mine to begin with
Monday, March 21, 2011
Last Day of Winter (to my Future)
Cold, Still, Waiting.
Underneath an icy bleak stillness
Lies the prospect of new beginnings
Cold hearts pump fresh ideas
Dead on the outside
Worthless and unresponsive to the keenest eyes
Life on the verge of breaking
Still in itself
Waiting for the right elements
Sprinkle of love
Ray of acceptance
Surrounded by grace
Unknowing, even to itself
Love grows within
Underneath an icy bleak stillness
Lies the prospect of new beginnings
Cold hearts pump fresh ideas
Dead on the outside
Worthless and unresponsive to the keenest eyes
Life on the verge of breaking
Still in itself
Waiting for the right elements
Sprinkle of love
Ray of acceptance
Surrounded by grace
Unknowing, even to itself
Love grows within
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Place
I've gone to that place that eyes do not see
The darkness that only blues and Negro spirituals can soothe
The pit that tears won't fill
Second best to nothing
Losing to failure
The spot right after heartbreak
In front of suicide
I live in the apartment next door to depression
Around the corner from giving a fuck
Jazz sounds
Like noise
Beethoven
Deaf guy on piano
Layla
sounds hoarse
India
Needs guitar tuner
Alicia
Off key
And the Holy Spirit is just another lonely ghost on Halloween
I'm in that place
Without you
The darkness that only blues and Negro spirituals can soothe
The pit that tears won't fill
Second best to nothing
Losing to failure
The spot right after heartbreak
In front of suicide
I live in the apartment next door to depression
Around the corner from giving a fuck
Jazz sounds
Like noise
Beethoven
Deaf guy on piano
Layla
sounds hoarse
India
Needs guitar tuner
Alicia
Off key
And the Holy Spirit is just another lonely ghost on Halloween
I'm in that place
Without you
Friday, April 16, 2010
So Long
It has been so long since I put pen to paper. So long since I said what needed to be said. So long since I stopped pretending and now all I'm left with is the possibility of "So Long".
Life has the funniest way of turning on you, of taking off your shades and what seemed like a bright sunny day turns out to be dry barren desert. The things we do to keep ourselves from giving up. We deny, we refuse, we lie to ourselves, we blame the other person. What we don't do is deal. I'm not talking about pseudo-dealing. The kind where you think if you ignore the issue, don't talk about it, don't address it, forbid it from being a part of your life then it will go away. I'm talking about the dealing that hurts because it forces us to tell the truth about ourselves to OURSELVES. It makes us realize that as wonderful as we may be there is room for growth and that growing is NEVER a pleasant process. Real dealing is willing to continue working through a situation until it is worked through, sometimes acknowledging that an issue hasn't gone away because we wont let it, and realizing that some issues will NEVER be resolved the just have to be worked through.
I listened to a shaman the other day, Ravi (something or the other), who said, "It is struggling that breeds the struggle". I had to stop for a second, damn. He went on to say that the more we try to not be what we are the more we are what we are. He said the only way to work through a situation is to accept it. Accept that whatever you are feeling right now is how you should be feeling because you feel it. Accept that you are what you are right now and that you can not change what you are right now. The shaman went forward to enlighten me and said that the only way to change is THROUGH acceptance. You can not go around the truth, only through it. You can not deny who, what, and how you are. You can only accept it and make the effort to become what you want AND THEN be happy in the becoming. True happiness/bliss comes with the acceptance of what you are right now and accepting the absence of what you are not.
I am not _________ and I understand and accept that. I am going to work towards becoming ____________ and I am going to enjoy the process even if the goal can not/will not ever be reached.
This is personal. This can not be forced on another person. This can only be accepted by one's self.
So long.
Life has the funniest way of turning on you, of taking off your shades and what seemed like a bright sunny day turns out to be dry barren desert. The things we do to keep ourselves from giving up. We deny, we refuse, we lie to ourselves, we blame the other person. What we don't do is deal. I'm not talking about pseudo-dealing. The kind where you think if you ignore the issue, don't talk about it, don't address it, forbid it from being a part of your life then it will go away. I'm talking about the dealing that hurts because it forces us to tell the truth about ourselves to OURSELVES. It makes us realize that as wonderful as we may be there is room for growth and that growing is NEVER a pleasant process. Real dealing is willing to continue working through a situation until it is worked through, sometimes acknowledging that an issue hasn't gone away because we wont let it, and realizing that some issues will NEVER be resolved the just have to be worked through.
I listened to a shaman the other day, Ravi (something or the other), who said, "It is struggling that breeds the struggle". I had to stop for a second, damn. He went on to say that the more we try to not be what we are the more we are what we are. He said the only way to work through a situation is to accept it. Accept that whatever you are feeling right now is how you should be feeling because you feel it. Accept that you are what you are right now and that you can not change what you are right now. The shaman went forward to enlighten me and said that the only way to change is THROUGH acceptance. You can not go around the truth, only through it. You can not deny who, what, and how you are. You can only accept it and make the effort to become what you want AND THEN be happy in the becoming. True happiness/bliss comes with the acceptance of what you are right now and accepting the absence of what you are not.
I am not _________ and I understand and accept that. I am going to work towards becoming ____________ and I am going to enjoy the process even if the goal can not/will not ever be reached.
This is personal. This can not be forced on another person. This can only be accepted by one's self.
So long.
Friday, January 22, 2010
That Man
He works my nerves
He works hard
He drives me crazy
He drives my mom around
He’s so mean to me
He means the best
He hurts my feelings
He’ll hurt a nigga
He’s don’t budge at all
He don’t lie at all
He don’t complain at all
He don’t cheat at all
He don’t cry at all
He don’t whine at all
He don’t feel out loud
He don’t love out loud
He wont scream out loud
That man
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
My Hair (not poetry)
I think I'm about to do this think for real now. I promised someone that I would grow my hair, to me that meant a lot of things. That meant that I would love myself the way he loves me, nothing artificial, just me for me. It meant that unlike my past self I would not chop my hair each time a person walked out of my life (because he is not going anywhere and honestly he's never gone anywhere, I'm the one that has done the leaving). So I promised to pour some love into my hair, to grow it like our relationship, to spend some quality time getting to know me as he had done and to love myself for whatever I discovered on the journey. He came to visit me this past weekend and before he came I did some cleaning. Fun and painful going through old memories, throwing things that needed to be thrown, keeping what needed to be kept. Letting go, lightening my load. I let a lot of things go and it felt soooo good, even the hurt felt good because it was a new kind of pain, not the old kind. The kind of pain that you get when you pour alcohol on a wound, the "germ killing" pain that does you more good than harm and lets you know that your wound will heal. So after throwing away some old things I realized today that I'm still hanging on to one old thing, my permed hair. It looks like my heart used to look until the healing process began, dry, shiny, non-cooperative with the new goodness that is growing out of my scalp. So tonight I am going to go home and cut this shit outta my head. I'm going to do my favorite things and color my hair a happy color and I'm going to revel and roll in my new found hair.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Old Things (repost)
So I haven't written anything new and I think it is because I haven't given due pittance to the old things. Tonight since I consumed a rediculous amount of caffiene at the movie theatre I am up and will post some of my old things. I like calling them old things, like something that I should have discarded but was sentimentally attached to so I kept. Which is exactly what these old things are :). Enjoy
Sunday, June 28, 2009
(old things) Untitled
I gotta write
not because i want to but because it is in me
in my blood
ingrained in my soul
etched in my destiny
to use words
to heal
touch
inform
please
I gotta write
because in words I find solace
The finality of the written word.
White it out
try to erase it
burn it
rip it
crumple it and it wont disappear
Words, written, will be and ARE
They are my security
A spoken word is fickle
and tainted
with expression
inflection
emotion.
Verbal intercourse suits those who have no hope for the next instant
and have to squeeze and strain every bit of happiness from the present
The written word is definately my mode of transportation
from one mind to the next
not because i want to but because it is in me
in my blood
ingrained in my soul
etched in my destiny
to use words
to heal
touch
inform
please
I gotta write
because in words I find solace
The finality of the written word.
White it out
try to erase it
burn it
rip it
crumple it and it wont disappear
Words, written, will be and ARE
They are my security
A spoken word is fickle
and tainted
with expression
inflection
emotion.
Verbal intercourse suits those who have no hope for the next instant
and have to squeeze and strain every bit of happiness from the present
The written word is definately my mode of transportation
from one mind to the next
(old things) Untitled
Son of Solomon
wisdom is power
Wife of Ramses
beauty like a flower
Sister to Sparta
make your enemies cower
stand in the shadows
make holiness your tower
Cousin to Isis
bake your bread with leaven
Archimedes Uncle
magic number 7
Mother of Marley
at the table with Jahs bredren
when the world is against you
stand next to heaven!
wisdom is power
Wife of Ramses
beauty like a flower
Sister to Sparta
make your enemies cower
stand in the shadows
make holiness your tower
Cousin to Isis
bake your bread with leaven
Archimedes Uncle
magic number 7
Mother of Marley
at the table with Jahs bredren
when the world is against you
stand next to heaven!
(old things) "Peopls Opinions"
Peoples opinions,
like tear drops in a well,
just as salty when you taste them
as they were when they fell.
Peoples opinions,
expressed in many ways.
That glance, that evil glance that says,
"This is my opinion: I don't think highly of you, but I'll smile while you try to please me, even though you never do."
Interesting opinions,
they change circumstances
They fuel hells fire
Burn in the form of glances
like tear drops in a well,
just as salty when you taste them
as they were when they fell.
Peoples opinions,
expressed in many ways.
That glance, that evil glance that says,
"This is my opinion: I don't think highly of you, but I'll smile while you try to please me, even though you never do."
Interesting opinions,
they change circumstances
They fuel hells fire
Burn in the form of glances
(Old Things) "Untitled"
Consecrate youself to me
Oh beautiful strain of melody.
Whisper through my willing ear
your lowest thought
your greatest fear
Make your rhythm my heartbeat
and use my soul as your feet.
Take my soul where you will go
I'm sure my mind will follow.
Let my spirit set you free
as you become a part of me.
Sweet song of my own inspiration
Why fly free of imagination?
Let your wisdom cover me
In turn I give my sanity
Why be sane and have no song?
Why sing life if the tune is wrong?
Why let hope drown in silence?
At least there is a chord for violence.
Consecrate youself to me
Oh beautiful strain of melody.
Whisper through my willing ear
your lowest thought
your greatest fear
Make your rhythm my heartbeat
and use my soul as your feet.
Take my soul where you will go
I'm sure my mind will follow.
Let my spirit set you free
as you become a part of me.
Oh beautiful strain of melody.
Whisper through my willing ear
your lowest thought
your greatest fear
Make your rhythm my heartbeat
and use my soul as your feet.
Take my soul where you will go
I'm sure my mind will follow.
Let my spirit set you free
as you become a part of me.
Sweet song of my own inspiration
Why fly free of imagination?
Let your wisdom cover me
In turn I give my sanity
Why be sane and have no song?
Why sing life if the tune is wrong?
Why let hope drown in silence?
At least there is a chord for violence.
Consecrate youself to me
Oh beautiful strain of melody.
Whisper through my willing ear
your lowest thought
your greatest fear
Make your rhythm my heartbeat
and use my soul as your feet.
Take my soul where you will go
I'm sure my mind will follow.
Let my spirit set you free
as you become a part of me.
Old things
So I haven't written anything new and I think it is because I haven't given due pittance to the old things. Tonight since I consumed a rediculous amount of caffiene at the movie theatre I am up and will post some of my old things. I like calling them old things, like something that I should have discarded but was sentimentally attached to so I kept. Which is exactly what these old things are :). Enjoy
Monday, May 11, 2009
A Song of Sheba
There was a time where I would have been content to sit in the corner. Just a small space where he wouldn't see me, my presence wouldn't bother him, and I could love him from a distance. Today he drew me into him, exalted me above all women. Forsaking all I take him. He will be my king.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
no lady
I'm big and bold and down to tell whomever what I wont do.
I know you aint looking at me funny
No, I aint that one to be looked cross eyed at
No, I aint that bitch that is going to let you do the same shit you used to do with whomever you used to do it with
Naw you cant talk to her cause she is prettier than me
and No you aint finna tell me who I can and cant talk to either
I'm grown, I do me, I do what I want
I pay my own gat damn bills
and NO you cant help me
No, you cant live with me
No, you cant hang out
No, you cant fall asleep on her couch
No, you cant have female friends
No
I do what I wanna do, I do me, I'm grown
Naw, I dont care whatchugottasay
Naw, I wont lower my voice
Hell naw I wont calm down
Cause what you aint finta do
is work my last nerve
I DONT have to be here
I DONT have to stay
I have options
Naw, stressing you aint one of them
No I dont have a problem leaving because dats what I do BEST
Naw, I dont have a back up plan but I can make up one real quick
No, I dont have to listen to or understand your side of the story
I do what I wanna do, I does me, I'm is GROWN
so NO
I didnt remember to tell you I loved you
I didnt remember to let you know how important you are to me
No, I haven't stopped thinking of me first
No, I dont think I deserve your love
I look at my flaws, and turn them into your issues
I look at your flaws, and I make them into walls
cause I'm grown, cause I do what I wanna do,
not what's best for me
I know you aint looking at me funny
No, I aint that one to be looked cross eyed at
No, I aint that bitch that is going to let you do the same shit you used to do with whomever you used to do it with
Naw you cant talk to her cause she is prettier than me
and No you aint finna tell me who I can and cant talk to either
I'm grown, I do me, I do what I want
I pay my own gat damn bills
and NO you cant help me
No, you cant live with me
No, you cant hang out
No, you cant fall asleep on her couch
No, you cant have female friends
No
I do what I wanna do, I do me, I'm grown
Naw, I dont care whatchugottasay
Naw, I wont lower my voice
Hell naw I wont calm down
Cause what you aint finta do
is work my last nerve
I DONT have to be here
I DONT have to stay
I have options
Naw, stressing you aint one of them
No I dont have a problem leaving because dats what I do BEST
Naw, I dont have a back up plan but I can make up one real quick
No, I dont have to listen to or understand your side of the story
I do what I wanna do, I does me, I'm is GROWN
so NO
I didnt remember to tell you I loved you
I didnt remember to let you know how important you are to me
No, I haven't stopped thinking of me first
No, I dont think I deserve your love
I look at my flaws, and turn them into your issues
I look at your flaws, and I make them into walls
cause I'm grown, cause I do what I wanna do,
not what's best for me
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Flawed to the point where I cant recognize myself
I, roll around like a child in a cold bed with no blankie.
You hold a mirror up to me and tell me to look
but all I see is monsters and a piece of shit. Mr. Hankie?
my references are backwards ass sentence this like
and my life is going in the direction of my brain
in circles, of friends that really are quite square
neither here nor there, I will not dare
to be different from myself anymore, that just makes me
as crazy as I think I am and an outcast to myself on a
good day, the people in my head will say good morning
today they'd rather stay inside, close the curtains
shrug their shoulders, watch a rerun of what happened in my life
yesterday, I was cold
you weren't there to help me
I need someone to cover me.
I, roll around like a child in a cold bed with no blankie.
You hold a mirror up to me and tell me to look
but all I see is monsters and a piece of shit. Mr. Hankie?
my references are backwards ass sentence this like
and my life is going in the direction of my brain
in circles, of friends that really are quite square
neither here nor there, I will not dare
to be different from myself anymore, that just makes me
as crazy as I think I am and an outcast to myself on a
good day, the people in my head will say good morning
today they'd rather stay inside, close the curtains
shrug their shoulders, watch a rerun of what happened in my life
yesterday, I was cold
you weren't there to help me
I need someone to cover me.
Monday, April 27, 2009
eden #1
Never wanted to give myself up
give my self over
give anyone a piece
Been called all sorts of things
answered to quite a few of them
nobody knew my name
Adam laid down for nap
God took his rib
created something
I looked around at the world
what I thought I owned
it was nothing nice
You woke up
saw me
said I was beautiful
I never wanted anyone
not a piece of me given
I was mistaken
What I thought was mine
one of your ribs gone missing
is not mine to hoard
I felt guilty
still possesive of "me"
you laugh at me a lot
Hold my hand
take your rib for a walk
tell me "Protect what was always mine"
Not a piece of me to give
give my self over
give anyone a piece
Been called all sorts of things
answered to quite a few of them
nobody knew my name
Adam laid down for nap
God took his rib
created something
I looked around at the world
what I thought I owned
it was nothing nice
You woke up
saw me
said I was beautiful
I never wanted anyone
not a piece of me given
I was mistaken
What I thought was mine
one of your ribs gone missing
is not mine to hoard
I felt guilty
still possesive of "me"
you laugh at me a lot
Hold my hand
take your rib for a walk
tell me "Protect what was always mine"
Not a piece of me to give
Friday, April 24, 2009
Key of G (to my future husband)
I haven't opened my mouth to sing in a long time
Haven't had a reason, nothing worth singing about
I've hummed some, whistled some
Even tapped my feet to a few tunes
Clapped, shouted, said "Oooh wee"
never sang
Take the time to get to know me
pry my mouth open with kisses
Give me a reason to sing
Make me moan some, cry some
rock my hips to a rhythm
Open, squeeze, scream "Hallelujah"
Make me sing in the key of G
Haven't had a reason, nothing worth singing about
I've hummed some, whistled some
Even tapped my feet to a few tunes
Clapped, shouted, said "Oooh wee"
never sang
Take the time to get to know me
pry my mouth open with kisses
Give me a reason to sing
Make me moan some, cry some
rock my hips to a rhythm
Open, squeeze, scream "Hallelujah"
Make me sing in the key of G
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Fifteen lines in 15 minutes
The Pilot said I had fifteen minutes
Fifteen lines in Fifteen minutes
Fifteen minutes to sit and squirm in it
Push and turn in it
Wriggle and worm in it
I got enought time to crunch and chew on it
Munch and stew on it
Bubble and brew on it
My whole life time I tip-toed around it
Beat and pound on it
Stomped the ground on it
Now it's plain that I am full of it
Cant take the pull of it
I cant get caught on it
Just a fifteen line sonnett
Fifteen lines in Fifteen minutes
Fifteen minutes to sit and squirm in it
Push and turn in it
Wriggle and worm in it
I got enought time to crunch and chew on it
Munch and stew on it
Bubble and brew on it
My whole life time I tip-toed around it
Beat and pound on it
Stomped the ground on it
Now it's plain that I am full of it
Cant take the pull of it
I cant get caught on it
Just a fifteen line sonnett
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