So Long

It has been so long since I put pen to paper. So long since I said what needed to be said. So long since I stopped pretending and now all I'm left with is the possibility of "So Long".

Life has the funniest way of turning on you, of taking off your shades and what seemed like a bright sunny day turns out to be dry barren desert. The things we do to keep ourselves from giving up. We deny, we refuse, we lie to ourselves, we blame the other person. What we don't do is deal. I'm not talking about pseudo-dealing. The kind where you think if you ignore the issue, don't talk about it, don't address it, forbid it from being a part of your life then it will go away. I'm talking about the dealing that hurts because it forces us to tell the truth about ourselves to OURSELVES. It makes us realize that as wonderful as we may be there is room for growth and that growing is NEVER a pleasant process. Real dealing is willing to continue working through a situation until it is worked through, sometimes acknowledging that an issue hasn't gone away because we wont let it, and realizing that some issues will NEVER be resolved the just have to be worked through.

I listened to a shaman the other day, Ravi (something or the other), who said, "It is struggling that breeds the struggle". I had to stop for a second, damn. He went on to say that the more we try to not be what we are the more we are what we are. He said the only way to work through a situation is to accept it. Accept that whatever you are feeling right now is how you should be feeling because you feel it. Accept that you are what you are right now and that you can not change what you are right now. The shaman went forward to enlighten me and said that the only way to change is THROUGH acceptance. You can not go around the truth, only through it. You can not deny who, what, and how you are. You can only accept it and make the effort to become what you want AND THEN be happy in the becoming. True happiness/bliss comes with the acceptance of what you are right now and accepting the absence of what you are not.

I am not _________ and I understand and accept that. I am going to work towards becoming ____________ and I am going to enjoy the process even if the goal can not/will not ever be reached.

This is personal. This can not be forced on another person. This can only be accepted by one's self.

So long.